The Worst Job In Football

The formative years of my footballing education began in a living room in a house that was indistinguishable than any other house on my street. Living in your prototypical compound in Saudi Arabia, if anything involving living on compound in Saudi Arabia is prototypical, my footballing education was due in large parts to my relationship with a television, an antenna and my father.

In 1996, on the eve of the European Championships, my father and I were talking. Usually our conversations were about three things, my upcoming applications to boarding school, women, well to be precise sex with woman, and to be more specific sex with multiple women and finally, football. Tonight's conversation touched upon football, so parents with young children, there is no need to censor this blog . . . yet.

We were discussing the upcoming Euro '96 and England's chances of winning the tournament. See thirty years ago, England, on home soil, were able to win the World Cup, now the question that had to be asked was whether they could win the Euro in a similar situation. At this point of my life, my knowledge of the English team was influenced largely by watching the English Premier League on Bahrain TV. The biggest concern was to ensure that the antenna was in the appropriate position, so we could get a semi-decent picture on our tube television. Ahh, the good ol' days. Mind you this was only 16 years ago.

My father has never been one to embrace the English national team. He always stated, "The British can only play with themselves." Ignoring, the evident sexual overtones, his point was that while the English Premier League was the best football league in the world, with the greatest collection of players and talent, the English national team did not even live up to all the hype and expectations that were bestowed upon it by the British media.

Fast forward to 2012 and again the English national team is in a world of turmoil. Fabio Capello resigned earlier in the week due in large part to the English FA stripping John Terry of the captainancy and the British media are already on a witch hunt looking for blood.

So why is the manager of the English football team, as this blog posting is titled, the worst job in football? The simple reason and perhaps the most honest answer is that there is no joy in the position. The Italians play with passion and although they are defensively-orientated everything they do is pure theatre. The Spanish and Brazilians play the most attractive form of football, while the Dutch epitome Ajax's total football system, and the Germans, well all they do is win. The French have won major trophies in 1998 and 2000, so the pressure isn't as severe. Both Argentina and Portugal have two of the best players of the world, so working with such talent can't be that bad. And finally if you can get any other country to a semi-final of a major football tournament you become a deity . . . . except for England.

Here are the reasons why being the English National Team Manager is The Worst Job In Football

The Talent

Perhaps it is a result of the EPL's mantra of win now at all costs, but the idea of youth development in England does not exist. Therefore, young talented British players are never able to develop properly. With the notable exception of Southampton's youth academy who have produced players such as Gareth Bale, Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain, Theo Walcott and Wayne Bridge, British youth development has resulted in a serious talent drain in for the English national team.

The Mentality

I am not a sports psychologist but it is guaranteed that England will lose on penalties or in extra-time in a major tournament. For all the confidence that players like Lampard, Gerrard and Rooney show on a weekly basis for their club teams, they always seem to shrink in the face of pressure of Three Lions. I am not quite sure as to why it happens but perhaps it is a result of the unreasonable expectations that a fan base desperate for glory has placed upon them.

The Media

British tabloids are ferocious; they will build up a young and talented footballer only to tear him down in the face of adversity. The simplest example is the ups and downs of a Mr. Wayne Rooney. Rooney jumped to the forefront of the British newspapers during Euro 2004 yet subsequently with each British failure he has become the poster child for a team of underachievers. 

The Fans

I love British fans, they are passionate and knowledgeable and will back their team through thick and thin. However, for me the expectations that the English national team should be considered one of the best teams of the world is built on reputation than actual skill and performance. I understand I will get some flack for this, but England is not one of the top 5 teams in the world right now. They do not have the necessary talent to contend for a title, the right mentality to survive a grueling competition and now they are rudderless without a manager.

In summation, would you take this job? It surely doesn't appear to have that honeymoon feeling to it.